Wedding Day

FEAR. That’s what usually holds a person back from pursuing anything. Yet here I am facing it now. Goodbye to the old me that took everything for granted and hello to the new—not ready to admit that yet.

You know that pillowy cushion of thinking, it’s a safe bet? That the risk is lower. It’s not always the easy option—that ‘safe bet.’ Sometimes it can throw you so far off balance it plants an idea that you may never recover from the decision you made. Did I make the right one?

It’s these kinds of mistakes that has me rethinking my next adventure. I’ve always been a risk taker but the people around me—my friends and family- usually bring me back to reality.

I don’t want to disappoint them. Does that sound cowardly?

Now, I stand in the mirror looking at myself as the bride who might be making a huge mistake. My hair is done up. It would be a shame to waste all that money I spent at the salon if I decided to run out of the church this moment.

I made my wedding dress, too. I spent so much time tearing out the seams and re-sewing it together… and the beadwork—that was a long project—and now… now I’m having second thoughts about marrying the man I’ve known since high school.

“It’s not too late,” the voice inside my head says.

“But all these people—they came to see us get married,” I say, answering myself.

“Do you love him?”

“Yes, of course. But—”

“But what?”

The knots in my stomach churn. Am I making the right choice?

“Avery, you look pale. Have you eaten anything today?” It’s my best friend Maddie from grade school, who pulls me out of my thoughts. “Here, eat this.” She hands me a banana. “Come sit down.”

“But my dress. It will wrinkle.”

“Don’t worry. We’ll help you.” Two of my bridesmaids help Maddie lift my heavy skirts and hoop so I can easily sit.

“There should be an easier way to get around in this,” I say.

“Once the ceremony is done then you can change.” Maddie pulls out the second dress. “A more comfortable one.” It’s simple in length, cutting off at mid-calf.

“Right, the second wedding dress for the reception. Looking at that makes me want to change right now.”

“What, and ruin the ten-thousand-dollar masterpiece you’ve made?” Maddie says. “Nonsense.”

I laugh. “If only it was worth that much.”

“Blood, sweat, and tears went into that dress are you sure you want to turn back now?” she asks.

Her words cut deep. I’m having second thoughts and the fact that I made this dress that took eighteen months to finish, makes it much harder to back out from marrying Tyler. I eat the banana quietly.

The wedding coordinator comes in. “Okay, are we all ready? Five minutes until runway time.” Her huge grin makes me nervous.

“Did she say run-a-way? Am I really ready for this?” I breathe in deep and exhale slowly.

“It’s not too late to back out,” the inner voice says.

“Avery—”

“Go away. You’re not helping,” answering myself, again.

“AVERY!”

“Huh?” I turn my head, a little dazed from my thoughts, to see Maddie calling my name.

“Are you ready?” she asks.

I nod. “I think so.”

The coordinator claps. “Very well, let’s get you girls to your proper places, please.” She walks out into the hall saying, to her assistant, “Not yet, but we’re almost ready.”

I turn to my bridesmaids. “Am I making the right decision?”

“Only you know that answer, Avery,” my friend Ann, from college, says.

“We’re with you in whatever you decide,” my other friend Jacquelyn, says. She’s a co-worker.

“I think I need a shot of tequila.” I feel my heart race.

Maddie grins. “I thought you might say that.” She pulls from her purse several miniature tequila bottles. Enough for all of us. “Drink up ladies.”

“You know me all too well, Madaline.”

She hugs me.

We toast, with all of us saying, “To new beginnings.”

“Okay, are we ready…now?” Maddie asks.

“I think so.”

We line up in the church foyer. The coordinator strategically places each bridesmaid before me, and then nods at the organist. The music begins, and one by one each girl links arms with a groomsman, until I’m the only one left.

The wedding march powers up loudly and the doors swing open wide. I hear the people stand. My father waits for me at the doorframe to take my arm.

“So, what’s it going to be, Avery?” the voice inside my head asks.